Thursday, November 26, 2015

Watch Out for Those Thanksgiving Leftovers!!

Thanksgiving is here. There will be a lot of food available for most of us and our dogs get some fine treats over the holidays. Turkey carcass is by far their favorite.

Cooking a turkey is really not that complicated but it does take
time. In the last few years, frying the Thanksgiving turkey has become popular but not something that I have attempted. My friend Mark almost burned his house down when he set a grease fire in his garage while attempting to deep fry a Cajun turkey. His mistake was pretty typical. He had a little too much turkey, a little too much grease, a little too much beer and not enough of a pot.

Our cooking problems are minor when compared to that but we do have one issue. We have had to throw out a lot of Tupperware over the years. There are only three of us in the house and leftovers present a problem for us. We don’t know what to do with them.

I grew up on the farm in a big family. When we finished at the table, we didn’t have any leftovers and if we did it was because nobody liked the dish the first time around. So I have a natural aversion to anything that isn’t fit to consume completely the first time it’s put in front of me. Couple this with the fact that leftovers tend to creep to the back of the refrigerator shelf and hide behind expired milk cartons where they hope to survive long enough to mutate into some malevolent life form. We usually clean out the fridge before they become seriously dangerous but only after they stain the bowl and start to eat through the plastic in an attempt to free themselves. Since last New Year’s Day, we quit taking the lids off of leftover containers if any unnatural growth is exhibited, as I had a rather unsettling experience with a casserole left over from the previous Thanksgiving. It had expanded to twice its original size and I still swear it took an aggressive posture by pointing a couple of asparagus spears at me. Nowadays, we don’t take any chances. We just toss the whole thing – bowl and all.

But except for leftover mutation, I never considered cooking around our house to be a life threatening experience – until I picked up the mail a few weeks ago. One of Tracy’s favorite magazines for recipes arrived. Just inside the shrink wrap was an urgent warning in bold print “Potential Fire and Explosive Hazard”. It caught my attention. The warning stated that following a recipe previously published in their magazine could result in a fire hazard or even cause an explosion. A corrected recipe was attached.

It really wasn’t necessary.

In our library of cookbooks, there are enough non-lethal recipes that we won’t find it necessary to resort to this one. And even though they might add a spark to our mealtime experience, I believe we can live just fine around our house without exploding dinner rolls.

I don’t know if anyone has been harmed or maimed by this recipe. I assume the warning was just precautionary. It’s beginning to look like everything even recipes will have to soon carry a safety label to limit liability. Maybe a generic label that can be applied to any food product or recipe is the answer:

“Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty Of Law! Caution!! Tag is not edible.
Do not use this product in a manner inconsistent with its design. Do not attempt to prepare, cook or consume this product while standing on the top two rungs of a ladder or while blow drying your hair in the shower or tub. Excessive consumption may cause drowsiness so do not drive or operate heavy machinery. We assume no responsibility for weight gain or flatulence from product consumption. If food allergies, fire or explosions result from the use of this recipe, discontinue use.”

Hope ya’ll enjoy our holidays- read your recipes closely and watch out for those leftovers.